Admitted Essay for Pomona College: Essay Review

Admitted Essay Reviews
October 15, 2020
Crafting An Essay With Creativity And Infusing It With Individuality Can Seem Daunting At First...

So much of college essay advice seems to contradict itself: college essays need to be succinct but also creative and show intellectual promise. It must also have a strong beginning and ending, clarity of thought, and a connection to the college.

Marrying the strongest elements of a college essay is difficult, and it takes time and dedication to accomplish, but it is possible. This admitted essay for Pomona College contains all of these elements and more, so it’s an excellent example for students to use as they write their college essays.

An Admitted Essay For Pomona College

Most Pomona students enter the College undecided about a major, or they change their minds about their prospective major by the time they graduate. Certainly we aren’t going to hold you to any of the choices you’ve made above. But please do tell us why you’ve chosen the major or majors (or Undecided!) that you have (in no more than 250 words).

“I am undecided because I want to explore many different interests without feeling the need to align with any, single academic path. With equal fascination, I could discuss political philosophies, differential equations, and scientific strategies to combat climate change, all in French. All of my intellectual interests are pieces of an immense puzzle. When the pieces come together an image of boundless knowledge becomes clear. It is a distinct pleasure to explore such a broad web of ideas and I would thrive in an environment that promotes this kind of experience.

Pomona College will provide me with all of the necessary skills to turn my interests into a distinct intellectual path, guided by a major, when I do choose one. Because Pomona is a small liberal arts college where each of its departments are home to excellent faculty I would be fortunate enough to build relationships with scholars who are passionate about their fields. Their insights would not only give me an unparalleled breadth of knowledge in whatever I studied, but I would also get a sense of which field would leave me the most fulfilled. Pomona’s Breadth of Study requirements provide an outlet for me to explore varied disciplines and consider my potential interest in them. I do not know what I want my primary area of study to be and Pomona can help me choose.”

Our Expert Review

This student did a great job at combining multiple qualities of a strong essay without seeming overbearing. He was specific and concise while answering the prompt fully, and he even went the extra mile by connecting his goals with Pomona College’s offerings.

He was smart by choosing this prompt because of how strongly he felt about starting college with an Undecided major. He chose the opposite view of the prompt which was innovative. He showed creativity by using the puzzle analogy and describing why being Undecided was best suited for him at this moment in time. He displayed incredible honesty in explaining why he doesn’t know which academic path, but showed positivity through his confidence that Pomona College would help him finally choose a major.

The only areas of the essay that could have used more development was the beginning and ending. While the middle was filled with plenty of strong material, the first sentence doesn’t necessarily grab the attention of the reader and the last sentence could be stronger. Specificity is always a plus but sometimes his emphasis on specificity made the essay come across rushed and a little scatter-brained.

Overall, it’s an impressive essay because the writer was able to seamlessly combine so many common elements of a strong piece of writing.

How To Apply This Advice To Your Own College Essays


There is an enormous amount of power in starting and ending your essay on a strong note. A strong beginning sentence sets the tone for the rest of the essay; it will either grab your reader’s attention or leave them with questions. A strong ending is like a pretty bow on the essay package, delivering a confident ending in a way that’s pleasurable to read and leaves a lasting impression.

The best way for students to create a strong beginning and ending is to simply keep developing them as the essay evolves. The key to the essay-writing process is following your instincts. You might start your essay with a strong idea about what you want to accomplish, but as you write, you may become inspired by something else. Don’t fight against new inspiration. It might lead you to a better product and a clearer picture of how to set the tone and leave the lasting impression you want on your reader.


The tricky part about essays with word limits is fighting the urge to rush through. Yes, it’s always better to answer the prompt right out of the gate and get your point across in a succinct manner, but like everything, there’s a balance to achieve. By going too fast, you miss out on opportunities for transitions, creative analogies, and moments of reflection that give readers a glimpse into who you are.

Without these important elements in an essay, you risk presenting an essay that’s cold, impersonal, and bland. You may have answered the prompt and included everything the college asked you for, but this is the bare minimum. Understand that a word limit isn’t restrictive, it’s actually freeing! When used properly, it can give you freedom from extraneous material and only elements that will work in your favor, including  your sense of humor, personal connections, and even a strong connection to the college you’re applying to.


Another tactic that will help you deliver a strong, creative essay under a word limit is being specific. A large reason that this student’s essay was so strong was because of his specificity. He didn’t just say “I’m Undecided because it seems right.” He went in-depth without being superfluous. He clearly asked himself “Why?” questions and found that Pomona’s offerings were a perfect match for him and his current academic goals.


If you have an opportunity to connect your goals to a college, always take it. Remember that college admission officers want you to attend their school. So, if there’s a lack of enthusiasm in your essay about this particular college or it seems like you would grow more somewhere else, your chances of admission may diminish. This student connected his goals to Pomona College in a really beautiful way. It’s almost as if he turned the prompt on its head to say, “Pomona College is the perfect college for Undecided majors like myself.”

As always, WeAdmit’s professional counselors are experts at everything college admissions-related. Whether you need another pair of eyes to give you a different perspective or you need help bringing your personality to the page, don’t hesitate to reach out and get started on writing a truly great college essay.



Need more Information?

Gain all the information you need by getting in touch with our admissions team or booking a free 30-minute counseling session.